BEAUTIFUL

What does Beautiful mean….Well, I am going to tell you what it means to me, what it has meant to me and why that concept has changed so much over the last few months.

To be completely honest, I have always considered myself a fairly good looking person, I take good care of myself, have always done my hair and makeup regularly and aside from the roller coaster of weight gain that I have dealt with, I considered myself pretty. Deep down though, when I was up (in weight that is) I was really down, and when I was down (in weight that is) I had a false sense of beauty. My girlfriends and I would always joke about “getting skinny”. That was our goal, to lose weight!

BORING!

I am completely capable of losing weight, obviously for those of you who have seen me fluctuate from 170 to 240 lbs, yes that is a whopping 70 lbs that I have gained and lost multiple times and let me remind you that I am only 26. And by multiple I mean probably 3 or 4 times. I look back and I am ashamed of how I treated my body, like crap, like a number, losing weight so fast by pushing myself and eating a strict diet and then eating whatever the hell I want in order to gain it all back in half the amount of time.

This has all changed though, since becoming a mother, because my personal hell would be to see my daughter struggle with the same issues that I have dealt with throughout the last 10 years that I have spent yoyo dieting and having a false sense of what BEAUTIFUL really means.

Now I realize that STRONG is the new beautiful, (thank you Mel and thank you NIKE) for summing it up into simple words for me. I have vowed to refrain from using the words “FAT” and “SKINNY” in front of Kaelyn, I may slip up from time to time, but forgive me, it is all I have known for the last 26 years.

I want Kaelyn to know that she is beautiful no matter what her weight is, that is as long as she understands that food is a way to nurture your body and exercise is a way to grow stronger and healthier. That a healthy diet (not dieting) and exercise are essential. I am working on making this concept my way of thinking and I have to be honest with you, I seriously have come a long way. I do follow weight watchers, but I do not have a goal weight because I have no idea the potential that my body has and what the number on the scale will be when I am healthy, energetic and fit.

I am so excited for BodyBack because I know I will push myself beyond where I have ever been before and that I am going to see results I have never seen. I know now, that I am Beautiful, because I take care of the body that God has blessed me with, the body that he created and allowed me to bear children with. I am so grateful for this body and I will not spend another day treating it like a number.

PS- That picture up there, I have never felt more beautiful in my whole life, that is my favorite picture in the whole wide world!